Better work relationships start with better conversations

Many of us spend more time working or at work than we get to spend with loved ones.

Despite the passing or situational relationship we have with our colleagues, the conversations we have with them at work can stay with us after we finish for the day.

Especially tough conversations.

It is essential to understand how negative information may affect a team member’s wellbeing, especially in fast-paced workplaces.

Whichever industry you’re in, celebrating even the little wins contributes to a greater positive impact in your workplace.

Effect of negative bias

Research has found we tend to pay more attention to negative happenings more than the positive ones.

Often, we can more readily remember the decisions we made based on negative conversations or results rather than the positive ones or achievements.

For our colleagues at work, this can happen when they receive feedback about mistakes, performance reviews, or in disagreements about work when not resolved effectively.

Angus Hervey reflects on a number of sentiments about how we process negative information in his TED talk Why are we so bad at reporting good news?.

“Along with all of the usual death and disaster and division (in the news), we also got to hear these, the stories of hope and healing” he said.

He acknowledges how easily negative news or information can proliferate, and this can be true of our workplaces – e.g. when someone leaves, loss of a client, not meeting KPIs or going over budget.

These can make us feel scared, angry, sad, powerless, or anxious, to name a few examples.

We can develop negative biases, and we can avoid being too deeply impacted by negative information by maintaining to positive mindset.

This will improve our resilience, similarly improving how we approach our work, our focus and our mood.

Hervey describes how positive news can come as a surprise to us.

He points out how we can become familiar, accustomed to, even expectant of negative news.

When we hear positive news or information, Hervey says, “the world can suddenly feel like a very different place.”

Reframing your approach

Improving our conversations can have a big impact on workplace culture.

Every formal and informal conversation is an opportunity to improve our conversations, particularly if you or the workplace is experiencing some challenges.

Before we begin a conversation consider what you both have to lose if the talk falls flat – e.g. time, missing deadlines, potential financial loss and cost to the business, and stress leave.

Jason Jay, Senior Lecturer at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology asserts that we can benefit from conversations which make us uncomfortable.

The key is being able to find a middle ground.

We all have our own viewpoints; however, our empathy is the best tool for finding a middle ground.

Think about how you can become allies, and what work you are both prepared to do to arrive at a solution together.

Keeping communication open

Regardless of your level of authority, dealing with an issue sooner rather than later will help resolve it sooner.

The antidote to resentment, absenteeism, staff turnover and passive aggression is simple: don’t wait to have difficult conversations at work.

How we communicate can help us navigate stress and difficult work relationships.

A poll has found at least 80% of workers are avoiding a difficult conversation at their workplace.

“Most people run the other way because experience tells them the other person will be angry or defensive,” researcher and co-author of Crucial Conversations Joseph Grenny said.

“And yet, our research shows the select few who know how to speak up candidly and respectfully – no matter the scary topic – can solve problems while also preserving relationships. As a result, they are considered among the top performers in their organisation.”

While it may take a while to get to a solution or a solution that works, hearing another perspective can be beneficial to a solution.

BetterUp recommends five steps for leaders and employees to tackle tough conversations constructively:

Do you need to have a conversation?

  • Ask – yourself three questions about the issue you’re experiencing. Self-reflecting on your perception and/or perspective can get you to a solution you might not have thought of.
  • Check – yourself and whether you decide to raise the issue. You might be able to take steps to resolve the issue yourself.
  • Approach – from a neutral perspective. This will help you stay focused on being level-headed and make the recipient more receptive to listening to what you have to say.
  • Explore – their story and yours and ask questions. Approaching with a gentle curiosity about why a person thinks a particular way can reveal new information.
  • Problem solve – to move forward, but don’t rush to a solution. Ensure you have the facts you need, agreed on what the issue is, understand the causes and ask ‘why?’ questions to get to the root of the problem.

Tips for better conversations

  • Consider the situation from their perspective – do your best to listen and think with empathy.
  • Have a goal in mind but be flexible – having a goal in mind or willingness to be flexible will help you to arrive at a middle ground together.
  • Work on your listening skills – listen intently and aim to understand the person you’re talking to.
  • Take care of yourself – tough conversations can be draining for everyone, and taking care of yourself can prevent it from turning into a fight.
  • Brainstorm solutions together – you might already have an end goal in mind, coming to a solution is a joint effort.

Sources